What You Can't See

Today was a really good day for me and my husband. Which cool for me and phenomenal for my husband. You see my husband has RA ( Rheumatoid Arthritis)  and so each day can be a struggle for him. The doctors actually think he may have had undiagnosed Arthritis in his teens or possibly younger. My husband being diagnosed with Ra was a relief and a shock. You see the odds were in his favor. You are more likely to have RA if  you are female, have a family member previously diagnosed, older age or smoke. He was young strong nonsmoking male with no family members previously diagnosed with RA. Though they have found some people can develop RA from body stressors like frequent bouts of infections ( like strep), allergies, stress,surgeries,and other Auto immune issues. Which is a possibility as to how he developed RA,because thankfully he does not carry the genetic marker. RA is an Auto Immune disease with no cure which means his immune system is attacking his body and causing damage. Now while most people associate it with arthritis so bad it disfigures your hands and feet, it can and frequently does affect other areas of the body like other joints including the spine, organs ( like the liver and heart), and eyes. It has not hit his hands or feet full force but his spine and hips. One hip is completely bone on bone. So the fact the he walks around and did so obviously for years before his diagnoses is pretty awesome. You then can add in the side effects from the meds to control the pain and the illness. Side effects like dehydration, bowel issues, no real  immune system ( so getting sick is a big deal) , loss of skin in his mouth ( so no more spicy foods which he loved) , lucid dreams ( so nightmares are more like night terrors) and so and so forth. You also have the constant flu like feeling, the stiff joints, the pain, the inflammation, loss of mobility, nausea in the morning, that come with flare ups. Well yesterday my husband's doctors started him on a new drug Orencia because he started having severe reactions to the Remicade. We are both hopeful and excited about this drug. It works by stopping the signal to the Tcells which cause the whole issue and trigger the immune system to start attacking the body and causing inflammation. Now usually after a Remicade infusion he would have been wiped for a few days to a week but with the Orencia infusion ( which again he took for the first time yesterday) he felt good today and had some energy.  His doctor called to check on him today and said  it was a good sign that it is going to work for him.  We have been so blessed with awesome doctors for him. Ones who care that he has a family with young kids and want him to be as active as he can be for as long as possible. Ones who temper pain control with disease control. Ones who will listen to all of my maybe it is this or what about this can this cause a flare up ( they even tested him for Lyme Disease for me just be sure. It wasn't and they were not surprised when it wasn't) They are good doctors who actually care about my husband.  Now since this disease is not one you can see it's damage or it's effects right away or all the time there are people who assume or make comments like he is just putting on a show or even that he is faking, but these people don't live with him. Don't watch him day in and day out struggle. Don't hold endless heartbreaking conversations about the frustration of not being able to do something he wants to do so very badly. They are making the comments out of ignorance or meanness and most of the time when they actually get to see his disease raise it's ugly head and really strike out they are shocked in to understanding or silence. Today though he had energy. He was able to join me at dinner with my dad and that side of the family. He was able to come home and relax with me and hopefully he will be able to actually sleep with out pain all night.  So today was a good day and I am so very thankful for it.

Craft show and more

 OK so I promised to talk about my show and to show you pictures of my booth. My show went great. I was very cold but the crowd was good and the people who put on the event were very kind and helpful. I was thrilled to finally meet in person some of my vendor friends from FB groups I am in and some of my tweeps. One was actually set up right next to me and that was fun. I also got a chance to see and visit with some of my vendor friends I have already met, done shows with and became friends with. There were 4 huge rows of vendors so there was a lot to see. I drank a lot of hot cocoa, which was delivered to my tent. One of my daughters worked the show with me. It was  lot of fun. When she works with me I buy her a little treat and this time she picked out a pair of angel earrings. Her first pair of dangle earrings.  OK the tent display Mishap. We forgot one of the back drops and with the wind I had to have it so one of my table covers was converted into a back drop. I think my display still turned out cute.

my helper

 I also have been working on some new halos and veils. It has been so much fun working on these and my screen printing. Both are reasons to be messy. Sometimes my older kids even get in on the fun.  I really like how the halos and viels are coming out now. I am sharing pictures but please be aware a lot of hours has gone into the design of this product and the design is the sole property of Dreams Come True Shop and copying or simulating it is theft and just plain wrong. This is posted Date 10/9/12

love my little model

one of helpers

they come in long and short style.

So I have been a busy girl. I am so thankful for all of the wonderful things in my life and I am looking forward to the other things that are coming up in my business and life.

Weekend News

This weekend has been so very full.  I learned some of my dearest friends are back in the state with an extra little bundle. I am so very happy for them and can not wait to go see them. Yesterday was my craft show out of my metro area and I loved it. I will be doing more and more of them out of my metro. It was so very very cold though with no wind breaks. So cold that today I was walking and squatting to help my preschooler and I couldn't figure out why  my legs, buttocks and back ached. Then it hit me I spent all day shivering, pacing in my booth or stiff that has to be it. My muscles are used to moving not used to shivering all day. It was still a lot of fun. I will but up a big post about it later this week with pics of my booth which has story of it's own. Also my husband took my eldest daughter to her boyfriends so they could hang out because he lived 15 min just beyond where my show was( yes it is a long distant relationship which works for me). It was a surprise for her. It is their 1 month ann. ( ah teenagers). The kid is a good kid. He asked permission to ask my daughter to be his girlfriend ( YES score one for the parents) and we like his parents too. They share the same thoughts about the kids as we do. My daughter was really surprised and had  good time.

 Today was great we got up to go to church and had a really good time. Remember my post about another church and my hair. The people at this  place had members that have come up gushing over my new style and one guy today asked if her could touch it. He said it was like a Japanese waterfall , that made me smile. I have never had my hair described in such away.  The sermon was on Tithe ( and the pastor went over it was great love when a pastors let's GOD lead and not the clock). It was a good sermon. Sunday school was awesome we have been discussing some deep things like Love covers a multitude of sins and an enemy can be an idol , Forgiveness and Love and how those things relate to our lives.  My eldest Daughter was in a play this morning. We are close friends with the Guy who runs the Drama club and he did a great job with the play and my daughter did a great job with her part. It was really funny. The amazing thing about this morning was we almost didn't make it. You see because my husband has RA it makes getting up to go do anything in the morning difficult and slow going. Some mornings are worse than others and this morning was bad. He was in a lot of pain, nauseous and was really locked up. Then when he pushed himself to get a move on he got sick, physically sick. You see we have to give him time to get going slowly and to basically warm up his body to moving ,kind of like an old car in the winter. This morning we over slept and didn't get a chance to do that and he had to pay for it big time. He pulled  together enough that we were able to go to church. I am glad we did. I love going to worship and love that now we get to worship together.

 

SLAM

I love Slam Poetry. I love the rhythm , the intensity and raw honesty of the poets words as they flow from their lips. I Love Slam Poetry and the emotion of a simple thought expanded upon and made full. Watching the poets feelings bleed from them as they pour out their word on to their audience. Seeing in their movements , gestures and I eyes " Please GOD get me, feel this too" I love Slam Poetry how it can sweep me way to a dark smoke filled jazz  room  or into the closet spying on the poet as they live. I love Slam Poetry because whether you agree with the poem or not you understand the poet just a little bit  more. Here are some that I found.
Pucker
My love is deep and penetrating. Subterranean.
Large, thick, slow, deliberate, vulgar, low, archetypal, animalistic.
Ripe for splitting open, to be savored, enjoyed.
I am a pomegranate.
And you.
You are everything that ever was
And everything that ever shall be.
I could pray to you.
And, so it begins.
You take me in your arms and fold me like a fan.
You lead me about the room.
My body is pliant, supple. Your hands
stretch wide across my belly, self-assured.
Even your fingers are confident.
We are groveling.
Grinding.
Sinking deeper into it.
Slathering each other with it.
And then, I feel it.
It is traveling through my bowels
Like a vengeful eggplant on fire,
Violently pushing and gurgling its way
through my lower intestine.
Mocking my sensuality.
For a moment I am shaken.
How can this be? I was so careful at dinner.
Oh God, the cauliflower.
Why? On this day of all days.
The day I wear the crown of woman.
I travel through time.
Suddenly I am 9 years old, in Sister Mercede’s
4th grade class. And Christi Romalo,
with her ample bosom and hairy upper lip,
Tells me I’m not cool enough to be in the
7-Up club. And all my mother can tell me is,
“ Honey, sometimes life just isn’t fair.”
For a moment I fantasize
Just letting it rip.
Will you liken me to some winsome peasant?
Will you love the honesty of it?
Maybe you’ll think I’m earthy.
Next, I imagine standing up,
Clutching the bedpost and proudly declaring,
“ It is I, Flatula!”
Would that frighten you, my love?
My muscles tighten
And I begin to pray, Sweet Baby Jesus
Let your light shine through me and
Neutralize this demon squash-like gas.
I feel an enormous thrust. Is it over?
You cover me with kisses and tenderly pat my thigh.
I tense up and hope for a miracle.
I whisper, “Sweet dreams, my love.”
Barely able to contain the monster inside me.
You begin to snore.
I press myself against the wall,
Adhering my buttocks firmly to it
And say twenty-seven Hail Marys.
I relax for one tiny moment and it moves,
Explodes.
And I am thrown from the bed.
Dear God help me!
A loose chunk of plaster breaks from the ceiling
And flies through the air.
I try to throw myself in front of it.
I try to cheat fate.
But it is too late.
Too late my love.
The plaster chunk delivers
A cruel but swift death.
I cradle your dented head in my arms and I weep.
I weep for the cruelty of fate,
The loss of true love,
And my lack of muscle control.
I blame myself.
--Ritah Parrish

I Wore a Coin in My Shoe When We Got Married me and my man: we are a good kinda dirty room— the kind where nothing’s in its place but you know just where to find it we are hit and run, hurricane done been through here when no one was lookin’ maybe we been robbed! kinda messy but, hell – you could eat offa the floor if you could find it. we’s jars of pennies on the bedside we’s saved by pocket change in sofa cushions, and a whole lotta makin’ do -- a whole lotta makin’ do – makin’ breakfast outta cigarettes makin’ dinner outta dancin’ and diet coke leave the chicken in the freezer for a party-- PARTY! defrost the bird, make a party outta potluck, so everyone eats well. on our first anniversary we will eat wedding cake we’re stickin’ dollars in please-forget-me places and mama askin’ on the phone --when you gonna do something with that degree? reply: --we’re workin’!— makin’ wings outta words and earthworms makin’ wind outta newspaper and colored glass & we make us get by don’t ask me what we gonna do when winter comes see -- snow is for sledding and green is for gardens grow hope grow strong grow black-eyed susans & carrots & rosemary grow fat yellow melons, and joy just seems to follow! dance hip to hip in the flour for baking and the rent just seems to happen! we’s a beautiful round and sloppy kinda getting’ by this ain’t no skinny love – it’s substantial and fat (how fat is it? this love’s so fat that it’s qualified to sing the solo in church on sunday!) books and love letters shift beneath our feet like autumn falls from trees leaves us nekkid and nekkid’s easy – you know just what to do with it, like a song you wrote yourself! (we make so much nookie, we gotta save it in jars in the attic!) mama PLEASE stop askin’ when we gonna make somethin’ outta ourselves. See, we already makin’ a whole lotta somethin’ outta practically nothin’! --Sou MacMillan

New Hair New Attitude

I have an awesome sister who does my hair. When we get together it is like the great experiment of what fantastical thing we can come up with next. We had done Blonde with Red. I loved it very much but the red kept fading out and people kept saying " Oh I live the pink'....Now I have pink. My sister did it in an Ombre style. Which means it fades from the white to a darker pink on the bottom.  It is funny when I wash my hair. I have to wash it in cold so I get  it done before I actually get in the water. Which usually means leaning over the tub to wash my hair. Now for some reason my youngest has decided that this means mommie wants her to come sit on her back. Yes my youngest still manages to get in the bathroom when I am trying to shower because if you turn the handle on my bathroom just right there is no point to the lock and she knows this. I love this new style and so does my husband. I am so blessed to have him.  To have a husband that gets you and loves you all the same is a very comforting thing. My husband does this for me all the time. He even supports my craziness in some cases.  The interesting thing about having hair like mine is that you really get to see who people really are. My husband and I have visited a church a few times since I have colored my hair this color and these "Christian" people will smile from a distance but refuses to come up and talk to me or my husband " who also has longer hair". We have both caught the disapproving looks they try to hide and have even heard some of their remarks. None of this really does not bother me.It is Not the first time I have had some odd looks or rude remarks said (I have even have had some said straight to my face) but it does make me wonder. These people are claiming to want to grow in their community. They are claiming to have the love of Christ in them.  Here a few verses that come to mind for me when I meet  a woman ( or man) who may not look as I would have them to.

Psalm 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

1 Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Proverbs 31:3

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

 and Finally   

1 Timothy 4:8

Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next.

Another thing to remember what is good and normal in your area, town, state, or country may not be so in other places.  Heck even people from different generations will have different ideas on what is appropriate. So who should be the judge on whether a person is worthy of joining the body? Who should be the judge on who you show kindness too? I have always believed that churches are not a place for the well and the saved but are a place for the sick,needy and unsaved. If you are to wrapped up in appearance to see what GOD might see maybe you need to turn the mirror around on yourself  and take a good look at yourself. I am not saying I am perfect because sure I stumble and start to form an idea of a person base on their appearance but I try to quickly dissolve that idea and find one thing I like about that person and to tell them. You would not believe the joy you can spread by simply telling a stranger something nice. Well I will get off my soap box now. I will share some pictures of my new look. I love the rosettes my sister put in my hair. Also please be kind I hate posing for pictures. I never know what to do with myself.

Back in the saddle again

So I have been gone awhile. I have been so busy and life has taken some interesting turns for me. Let's see I have learned to let go of issues that were hurting me and to recognize that sometimes things are unfixable. I had to learn that sometimes you have to just stop, to know you have done what you can and just stop. I have been set on a journey of finding my joy. I have been focusing on being content in my life and the blessings that continuously fill it instead of those calling outside my gate trying to lead me astray and hurt me. My two side businesses have begun to flourish. My husband and I have met some awesome new friends and reconnected with old ones. My older kids summer was filled with camps and now their schedule has gone from slow to very full with church, drama and dance all added to their homeschooling schedule. I am allowing myself to just be me, quirky and all. I have started going some new routes with my crafting business. I have started screen printing which I love. I love the creativity and messiness of it.  There is something satisfying in being covered in paint and seeing my idea come to life on an item.  I have my new logo which I love.  I have been to learning to better balance running my business and my family. In all of this life has not been easy. My husband was hospitalized for 9 days . I was very scared in the start of his stay. I put on a brave face but I was not sure if he was going to pull through it. It didn't help they had no idea what was wrong only that he was very sick, in an extreme amount of pain and his blood pressure was low ( like internal bleeding low).  I have been through this before. The fear , the single mindedness of your thoughts as you sit by the person you love and watch them writhe in pain while you can do nothing, the tear of pain you feel as you know you must leave to take care of your kids and set some normalcy and comfort up for them and the frenzied need to be there just in case and I have been blessed with the ability to do what I have to, to able to get things done and put on the it's ok face for everyone around me. Happily he got better, despite the doctors never figuring out what was wrong for sure.  Since then it has been miraculous watching him as he has improved. Now he still has RA and aside from a miracle always will. He still wakes up nauseous every morning, still has stiffness, joint pain, high enzymes etc. but now he can get up and take a small walk with me with out paying for it for 3 days. His muscle tone has been coming back and so has his strength.  My husband and I have not had the best financial experiences this summer but GOD always helped us pull through. Thanks to the drought my daughter with asthma had a hard summer trying to keep her allergies under control so we could keep her asthma under control. Our van had issues, including being dingged up by a massive hail storm ( it was both scary and exciting to watch). The list could go on but I don't want to because really that is not where my mind is. It's on my husband made it and is doing marginally better, my kids have full busy schedules, despite having a hard time with allergies my daughter never had a major attack this summer, we have made it financially every month, Our van still runs and therefore can take us from place to place. I am a very blessed woman and that is where I want to keep my mind. I want to be a spark of light in the dark. To be the smiling stranger that just seems to make your day a little brighter. To be kind person that stopped to help. To be the friend that makes you  feel comfortable and at home. To be  the person that in known to be counted on.  To be the best mom I can be. To be the best wife I can. That is where I want to keep my mind.

Faking it

 I heard a  Pastor this weekend say not to fake it, but I see and know so many that do in so many ways.  Fake a smile when they are really in need of some sort.  Fake  goodness  to impress others or to not let others down. Fake faith to blend in, fit in, or to try and grab the peace others around them have. I am guilty of faking it. Sometimes I fake that I am fine when I am not, but then again I am not really into sharing me. Oh I will happily listen to and help others around me but I rarely share the other way.  The sermon and some of the books I have been reading have made me think. Why fake it?  If you fake happiness you only hurt yourself further. If fake goodness you block out the chance to actually be a genuinely good version of your self.  If you fake your faith you will not grow and truly find what you want. Plus you always get found out one way or another. Also going with the fact that this was a christian sermon you have to know GOD always know. When you get down to it we all are fakers. Some just in worse or more obvious ways than others. I wonder how the world would be if we were the actual real genuine deal.Would it be better? I would like to think so but I am not sure. Many times we fake it to make life easier. Not just for us but for others as well. My Husband practices radical honesty ( honesty at all cost) and with him I can handle it. So I assume I could with others but it also can be all in presentation. I know he is truly not trying to hurt me. I do think there are those that not faking it would make them lose everything. Lose their identity ( well at least the one they are trying for). There may even be those that practice radical lying ( lying at all cost). So would it make life better or would it cause pain to not fake it. I think GOD doesn't want us to fake it. He made us to be us. To be individual and to sparkle like the stars just for him. Even when things feel all wrong.