Sunday, September 23, 2012

Back in the saddle again

So I have been gone awhile. I have been so busy and life has taken some interesting turns for me. Let's see I have learned to let go of issues that were hurting me and to recognize that sometimes things are unfixable. I had to learn that sometimes you have to just stop, to know you have done what you can and just stop. I have been set on a journey of finding my joy. I have been focusing on being content in my life and the blessings that continuously fill it instead of those calling outside my gate trying to lead me astray and hurt me. My two side businesses have begun to flourish. My husband and I have met some awesome new friends and reconnected with old ones. My older kids summer was filled with camps and now their schedule has gone from slow to very full with church, drama and dance all added to their homeschooling schedule. I am allowing myself to just be me, quirky and all. I have started going some new routes with my crafting business. I have started screen printing which I love. I love the creativity and messiness of it.  There is something satisfying in being covered in paint and seeing my idea come to life on an item.  I have my new logo which I love.  I have been to learning to better balance running my business and my family. In all of this life has not been easy. My husband was hospitalized for 9 days . I was very scared in the start of his stay. I put on a brave face but I was not sure if he was going to pull through it. It didn't help they had no idea what was wrong only that he was very sick, in an extreme amount of pain and his blood pressure was low ( like internal bleeding low).  I have been through this before. The fear , the single mindedness of your thoughts as you sit by the person you love and watch them writhe in pain while you can do nothing, the tear of pain you feel as you know you must leave to take care of your kids and set some normalcy and comfort up for them and the frenzied need to be there just in case and I have been blessed with the ability to do what I have to, to able to get things done and put on the it's ok face for everyone around me. Happily he got better, despite the doctors never figuring out what was wrong for sure.  Since then it has been miraculous watching him as he has improved. Now he still has RA and aside from a miracle always will. He still wakes up nauseous every morning, still has stiffness, joint pain, high enzymes etc. but now he can get up and take a small walk with me with out paying for it for 3 days. His muscle tone has been coming back and so has his strength.  My husband and I have not had the best financial experiences this summer but GOD always helped us pull through. Thanks to the drought my daughter with asthma had a hard summer trying to keep her allergies under control so we could keep her asthma under control. Our van had issues, including being dingged up by a massive hail storm ( it was both scary and exciting to watch). The list could go on but I don't want to because really that is not where my mind is. It's on my husband made it and is doing marginally better, my kids have full busy schedules, despite having a hard time with allergies my daughter never had a major attack this summer, we have made it financially every month, Our van still runs and therefore can take us from place to place. I am a very blessed woman and that is where I want to keep my mind. I want to be a spark of light in the dark. To be the smiling stranger that just seems to make your day a little brighter. To be kind person that stopped to help. To be the friend that makes you  feel comfortable and at home. To be  the person that in known to be counted on.  To be the best mom I can be. To be the best wife I can. That is where I want to keep my mind.